Re-entry

I'm now home, safe and sound. The flight back to NYC was smooth, and I ended up renting a car and driving 7 hours back as all flights were either cancelled or overbooked. It was actually perfect as I needed that time to unwind and decompress from the trip. I wasn't ready to be home and in the world as I had known it before Haiti.

I'm back at work and into the swing of things here in the States, but my mind isn't quite here yet. I really miss Haiti...the people, the air, the spirit, the soul. I think I found my calling. I doubt I'll end up staying in the States for more than a year at a time from now on...a way to make money before going to volunteer my time and energy somewhere else. Haiti again maybe? We'll see.

It took me a couple days to post pictures, but they're up on FB at least. Here's the link: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=195372&id=682013273&l=d6f0e26d25 Let me know if you can't access them and want me to post them somewhere else.

Thanks again for following along. I really felt the support and energy of my virtual posse, and there were many moments where I relied on you all to keep me going. It was a hard trip, with many details I chose to leave out of here for fear of giving you nightmares, but overall it was the most amazing thing I've ever done so far. And I doubt it'll be the last.

Much love to you all!
-Molly

So flight was delayed until today, so I fortunately got a ride back to base, and had a great night with my new friends, fried plantains, and presidente beer. I'm now back thru the queues and checkpoints and about to board my flight. I will be driving from NYC back home as I missed my connecting flight, and so gettting back to Ithaca around 9-10 tonight.

Signing off for now. Thanks for tagging along! Give me a couple days to decompress and I'll post my pics. :-)

Much love, M

Stuck. At the airport. This is a test in patience. After the guys with guns in front, 3 security pat downs, and queue after queue just to get inside the holding area, my flight is delayed until tomorrow. No food, one water cooler with questionable water, and people strewn over any available piece of floor. What I wouldn't give for a cold beer and veggie nachos right about now. Send me some good travel vibes...I'll need it if I'm to get home.

I'm pretty sad to be leaving Haiti. It's a place I wish I could stay, and could even see myself living here and helping to create a sustainable, healthy, working health care system one day. Maybe that's me being idealistic, but I see and feel the changes i've already helped make.

I'm now waiting for my ride to the airport. All of the bags of supplies, meds, and most of my own clothes and belongings are staying here. Only my small bag of essentials is coming back with me. I'm even leaving my sneakers and will brave NY with flip flops. If I could leave everything I would, but I bet customs wouldn't like me going through naked. I can always buy more stuff.... But the people here can't. Every little thing helps and can be used.

Sigh. It's been a long, strange, amazing journey here. Now to face the other world I live in.

Much love, M

Day off. And a good one too. We got to wander around Port au Prince with a couple of the haitian guys from the compound. Saw the palace, a tower built to celebrate Haiti's independence, and a couple amazing markets. Considering the state of the city after the earthquake, it's life as normal here. With a couple more standing buildings and less rubble, I could see how it was beforehand. And the spirit.... These people have good spirit. I'm almost used to seeing the chaos now... I wonder what re-entry will be like. Culture shock to the n-th degree I bet. And I'll miss it. I'll be back. :-)

Last day at L'opital Adventiste... And a crazy day it was. We had to do another emergent c-section on yet another severe preclamptic woman at a suspected 29 weeks...luckily the baby was more like 33 weeks. Another happy birth story, all things considered. This is a place where adaptability is key, and you might end up playing roles you never dreamed of playing. Lucky for me, that fits right into my character. I can now add ER nurse, scrub tech, surgeon, and pediatric NP to my titles. :-)
There were many labor checks and interesting pregnancy issues throughout the day, and then a lovely birth to wrap things up. As hard as it's been here, I'm going to miss this place. :-)
-M

Quick note: mangoes are absolutely AMAZING here. A bit messy however....

Wow... So it's 2:30 am and I just finished assisting with an emergent c-section for severe preeclampsia at 30 weeks. The OR was unbelievable... No wonder there's a high rate of infection.... We tried to make it as sterile as possible, but it was difficult. We used a hysterectomy tray and some random suture we found, and I was also playing scrub tech on top of my surgical assist role. Absolutely crazy. And to top it all off, the power turned off just as we were putting the dressing on the incision. If it had happened during the surgery, I don't have a clue as to what would have happened. Someone was watching out for us tonight. The baby is actually doing okay... Likely closer to 32 weeks gestation, and breathing well. Wish him and his mama good thoughts and recovery. Signing off for now... -M

I was wondering when the sadness would hit me... Health care here is so incredibly different than anywhere else I've been. No prenatal care, stillbirths from untreated problems, kids with preventable diseases. These are the sad stories of Haiti health care. I'm okay.... Just a bit on the somber side today. Makes you appreciate the difference a person can make here. -M

It's been a long yet rewarding day. Saw patients at the home clinic outside (hot day--sunburned), then did a visit to the maternity hospital to see if they needed help. When we got back, I got to play soccer with a bunch of neighborhood kids. I have to say, that was the highlight. In the middle of a street with sawhorses as goals... And the frequent yelling of "machin" to warn of a car and the obvious time out until the road was clear. So fun! Then the shower after was heavenly. :-) I even got to shave my legs! Back at the hospital for another stint on labor & delivery. Only 3 more full days to go.... Almost sad to be finishing.
-M

Not much time to catch up, but I posted some pics on Facebook. Can't seem to get pics to send to here. :-/ more later...all is good! And thanks, dad, for being my spokesperson on fb! Xoxo

As all things in Haiti, plans change. No gyn clinic yesterday, caught a baby and managed some very sick pregnant women with malaria and possible meningitis...was working with a great French speaking med student who was wonderful! Today did clinic at the compound, and had to rush a man who seized to the hospital in the back of a truck. Now we get a break for a bit, more clinic, and then who knows. All things change in Haiti. :-)

Bonswa...
It's a new day, and I got a full nights sleep. Today I'll be running a GYN clinic at the hospital as well as on call for births until evening, and will likely go back to the compound after. Yesterday I got to explore Carrefour a bit, and got some good pictures.... You'll have to wait until I get back to see, as I'm not having good luck sending pics here. Doing well, meeting good people.
Until later... -M

Trying to get a little sleep after night shift...but it's hard when I'm on a cot in a hallway. Going with only 10 hours of sleep since Thursday. Highlight of night? Making balloon animals for a little girl in the ER. Hoping more babies today, then back to the compound tomorrow. Still happy I'm here. :-)

So I'm going to try my hand at the ER tonight. Woohoo! Not enough births right now, too many midwives. So we'll see how trauma care goes without modern medical technology. :-) When in doubt, remember your ABCs. Bon nwit!

Two births so far... Very different than in the States. Lots of singing and prayer pretty much staright since 7am (today is the sabbath), all broadcast over loudspeakers. Will be in the hospital until Monday, when we head back to our "compound". More later.... -M

Short note before I head tithe hospital for the weekend of delivering babies and surgery. Haiti is amazing... Amazingly sad, devastated, worse than I could imagine. But it's also beautiful.... Amazing people and such strength. Have never seen it like this before. I think I'm in love with this work.
-M

Hey all... Made it to Haiti. Hot, buggy, and has a smell I can't quite describe. We're figuring out how to get to carrefour as our driver didn't show. Let the adventure begin!

T - zero

And I'm off. Leaving for the airport in a couple minutes, with an overnight layover in Florida before catching a flight to Port au Prince. I'm totally pumped today...not nearly as anxiety-filled as I've been lately. Maybe it's the calm before the storm, or maybe I'm just ready. I'll be meeting my comrades in Florida in a couple hours, of whom I've never met but I bet will become close buddies by the end.

I have two enormous duffle bags full of supplies, plus a carry-on and my backpack full of my stuff. Now just to get through customs with all of my gear. Sleeping bag and pad, check. Mosquito net, check. Passport, check. Food, check. Scrubs, check. It was hard prioritizing what to bring, as I kept wanting to put donations in place of something I needed for myself. Yes, Mom...I'm putting myself first. Medications, flower essences, and soul food. :-)

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to update the blog (or have internet at all) while I'm there, but I'll try to leave little snippets on here (via text) of my adventure in real-time.

Much love to you all! Wish me luck and I'll be thinking of you as my spiritual posse down there. (Picture the Verizon commercial...)

Catch you on the flip side...

-M

It's like labor....

So I just had to share this quote from one of the wonderful midwives I'll be travelling with to Haiti. We were finalizing plans and sharing our mutual anxiety about our trip, and she came up with the perfect comparison.

"I think this experience is like being in labor. You are excited for it start happening, but the when the time comes the reality of it suddenly hits you and you realize that you are going to have to do something really, really difficult that you can't wrap your mind around in advance and that is going to challenge all of your coping mechanisms. If you are not at least a little scared, you probably don't understand the reality of it."

Thanks, Barb, for letting me quote you! Wise words. :-)

3 days and counting.

-M

More info for those who are interested

Quick note: for those who are curious as to what I'm getting into, feel free to check out the Midwives For Haiti Facebook page. In the discussion section, there is a post describing as much as is known about the Carrefour location. We'll be the first group there, so it'll be pretty bare-bones.

Still packing and re-packing and shuffling things around to fit in my bags. 4 days!

-M

Finalizing plans

Well, it's all coming together now. 8 days until I leave, and I think I'm ready. Clarification: as ready as I am going to be.

I just spoke with the "stateside coordinator" who is organizing our transport from the airport in Port au Prince to Carrefour. While he confirmed that we'll be picked up at the airport as planned, he ended the conversation with a brief warning. "I hope you know what you're getting into down there...." Not sure exactly what that means, but it definitely amped up my nervousness a couple notches.

We have our living arrangements set (a spot on a floor for a sleeping bag) and a small idea of what will be provided for us in terms of food (one bowl of rice per day). Other than that, it's still all to be determined. I did find out that I should be able to use my phone for emergency calls, which was a good relief. Now to embrace the unknown...

Lastly, just want to say thank you to all of you who have listened to my mini freak-outs and momentary panics as I prepare for this trip. It's a good mix of empathy and support with a dose of "suck it up, cupcake" mentality. :-) I am feeling blessed to be able to help out down there....but it's human to doubt and have fear around this adventure. And for all of you who know me, I'm too stubborn to even consider backing out...

Thanks for listening,
M

My Haiti pile

My 2nd bedroom has accumulated a pile of stuff I've obtained or purchased with donations. Thanks so much!

Contrast...

After a long night on call with several women in labor and a lovely birth, my head has had time to fill with the contrasts between how we practice obstetrics here versus what I'll see in Haiti. Nothing like being up all night thinking...literally.

Part of me is really excited that I'll be able to really get to the roots of midwifery; the essence of birth without all of the hub-bub of intervention and convenience. BUT with that also comes a lot more sadness and tragedy. We live in a culture where birth is supposed to be "perfect" and fit into a certain high expectation. We are not supposed to acknowledge that death happens with birth and that they are not mutually exclusive in most of the world. And of course, when something devastating happens, it MUST be someone's fault. As a contrast, I'm going to a place where women understand that childbirth is a dangerous proposition. 60+% of women don't have prenatal care and many don't have a trained provider there to attend the birth. With birth comes the chance of death, and it is understood that the "perfect" birth cannot be assumed. With an infant mortality rate of about 6%, it is just part of the risk of having a baby.

I had a great chat with my backup physician overnight about the experiences I might have in Haiti or on my upcoming Doctors Without Borders adventure in the fall. I have to say, I've been exposed to a ton of complications over the past couple years which I can only assume were put in my way to prepare me. Cord prolapses, vaginal breeches, eclamptic seizures, sepsis, etc... The "see one, do one" mentality very much applies considering where I'll be. Most of my fears come from the fact that I'll likely not have a physician available to take over if the shit really hits the fan. Just me. (Hence my mantra at the moment "I can do it I can do it I can do it") :-).

Alright, enough for now. Forgive my ramblings....lack of sleep will do that to a peson.

More later,
M

A big thanks!

I really just want to acknowledge everyone who's helped me so far. I've had so much support from friends, family, and even people who don't even know me! I'm so appreciative and touched by the help. Many many many thanks!

A virtual hug and heartfelt thanks to the following (for money, donations, music, etc):

Julie Nathanielsz
Leia Raphaelidis
Erin Cross
Linda James
Joel Tepp
Kate Gilday
Ananda Babineau
Joe Vinikow
Teresa Crawford
Joyce Leslie
Judith Aissen/Jim Clifford
Michael and Mitzi Aissen
Claire Deem
Nathaniel Altman
Robert Altman/Lisa Flanders
Jason Zimmerman
Jeanne James
Chi Sherman
Liz Norton
Mahrie Moore
Cayuga Medical Center
Sara Kabakov
Shawna Black/Margot Chiuten
Ellen Ziegler
Lindsey and Dave Chaffee
Jen Papest
Jen (Vesey) Schauer
Heather Hedges
Laurie Ward
Amy and Steve Wexler
Barb and Tom James
Kate Pierce
Pamela Hathaway
Jody Haring


A piece of you is coming with me to Haiti.... of which I am so thankful.

More later,

M

p.s. You know, I forgot to give credit to all of the wonderful people who have wished me well and sent me love in lieu of money (for those who don't have the resources currently). It means just as much to me as any material thing. So thank you!

Getting ready...

15 days to go....

So far I've received over $500 in medications from my hospital (thank you Cayuga Medical Center among other donors!), a bunch of baby clothes, miscellaneous hospital supplies, and a lot of monetary support for my trip to Haiti. I am just so pleasantly surprised to see how much support I've received! Thanks, everyone! I'll post a list of all of my supporters in a bit...you all need some recognition!

The past few days have been a bit intense for me. It's finally sinking in that I'm going to Haiti. And more, I'm going to one of the hardest hit places after the earthquake. I really don't know what to expect other than devastation and extreme poverty. I'm so glad I have skills and experience that make me useful down there...but my biggest fear is that I'll take in all of the pain and suffering and not be able to help everyone I see. I know it's unrealistic to think I can really make that much of a difference, but I keep trying to remind myself that if I can make even one person's life a little better I've done my job. If I can save one baby's life, or help one mom through her labor, or give one person some needed medications, I've done a service. Sigh...

The organization I'm going with, Midwives For Haiti, has been wonderful in helping coordinate the trip. I'll be travelling with 2 other CNMs (from PA and Vancouver, CAN), which is a big plus for safety and security. We'll have all transportation arranged once we get to Port au Prince, and will have a place to stay (tent) and food with Haiti Family Ministries, a missionary group lending support to the hospital. The hospital where I'll be working is called Hopital Adventiste d'Haiti, and you can see pictures of it (before the earthquake) on the Loma Linda University webpage. At this point I believe we'll be just staffing the hospital tent and attending deliveries, but who knows what else might come up before then. In an email I received recently from the director of the Ministries, she just delivered a baby against a concrete wall with a flashlight and a tarp for privacy... so I'm realizing that flexibility and adaptability might be my greatest asset down there.

That's it for now... Again, thanks to all who've helped me out so far! So many good people out there. :-)

-M